Your Hollywood Parade
[Nine short dramatic sketches by Arch Oboler used on the 1937-38 variety hour
Your Hollywood Parade, sponsored by the American Tobacco Company, makers of
Lucky Strike cigarettes.]
[8 December 1937]
[HOST DICK] POWELL: "Your Hollywood Parade" moves along, and brings you
another Hollywood highlight -- one of the most talked-about stars in
Pictureville ..... Tonight, Mr. Lucky Strike is host to Gary Cooper, a star
who is always right up there among the leaders in your parade of favorites ...
Tonight Gary shows us still another side of his acting ability in a rather
different form of drama, which we might call a "solo in the spoken word."
..... A tribute to the West, the title paints the picture for us ... It is
called "The Valley" ..... Friends, we give you a great actor and a great
fellow -- Gary Cooper!
ORCHESTRA: WESTERN THEME ... FADE FOR ...
ANNOUNCER: The scene -- a prairie trail winding through great fields of wheat
... It is twilight.
SOUND: HORSES HOOFS IN SANDY GROUND ... CONTINUE BEHIND ...
ANNOUNCER: A man and a girl ride slowly along -- their horses side by side,
heads lifted to the homeward trail ...
SOUND: HORSES HOOFS UP ... THEN FADE FOR ...
TOM: Miss Blaine ...
MARION: Yes, Tom?
TOM: Mind pullin' up your horse? Whoa!
MARION: But Tom, why?
SOUND: HORSES HOOFS OUT
TOM: Mind givin' me those flowers you picked, Miss Blaine?
MARION: (DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT'S ALL ABOUT) No .....
MARION: My flowers! .... Why did you throw them over that stone?
TOM: It's not just a stone - look at it close.
MARION: Why - why there's something carved on it! (READS SLOWLY) "To the
memory of Bill Barnes 1820-1860." Why, Tom! It's a headstone!
TOM: Yeah ...
MARION: (LIGHTLY) Why the sudden sentimentality -- the flowers? "Bill Barnes -
1860." He couldn't have been anyone particularly important.
TOM: Wasn't he?
MARION: Of course not! I never read about any Bill Barnes in my history
TOM: (SLOWLY) That's right ... No history books ever noticed Barnes. He never
won a war, and he never made a lot of money, and he never made a fancy speech
in his life ... But to us, out here, he means a lot .... Let me tell you about
ORCHESTRA: MUSIC UP AND SEGUE TO NEXT THEME
TOM: Bill came over the mountains to this valley a long time ago - he and his
wife. He didn't come here smooth and easy the way you folks did - No, all Bill
and his wife had was a wagon with a couple of tired horses pulling it. It took
a long time to get here - a summer and a winter creakin' along mile after
mile, day after day - lookin' - lookin' all the time for a place - to make a
home ... When at last they found this valley and Bill dug into the ground and
made his first house here out of the stones and dirt. He made the walls thick,
and that was a good thing, because hardly before he was done, the winds
started coming up ... Winds and snow that do more than tear at a man's house -
they tear at his heart when he's tired and trail-worn and hungry - the way it
was with Bill and his wife .....
ORCHESTRA: MUSIC UP AND SEGUE TO NEXT THEME ... FADE FOR ....
TOM: But then at last it was Spring, and the ground started showin' through in
black patches, and with that last strength that comes from way deep in you,
Bill went out with the seed he'd brought and planted it in that hungry black
ground ... And the sun kept comin' out brighter and brighter, and things
started growin' and just about when that first wheat was bendin' with the
breeze - there was a young one in Bill's house ... Just a handful of a kid ...
but Bill and his wife looked at him and they looked at that grain out there,
and life seemed awfully good. The grain got high -- turnin' greenish-gold
under the hot sun -- goin' higher and higher ... But the sun kept on burnin'
too - blazin' in the sky - dryin' out the grain - dryin' out the black earth
into a hard, thirsty brown, and dryin' out the hope in Bill and his wife ...
And then one day - it was almost too late for rain ... the grain seemed dead
-- but Bill and his wife didn't care somehow ... For more than the grain was
goin' - the little fella ... as if the end of the grain took away his
strength, too. That night was black -- the air still burnin' with heat --
minutes draggin' like hours! And just as mornin' came, pushin' the night outa
the cabin, Bill's wife said, "Bill, if he lives we'll go back -- back where we
came from!" And Bill looked out where the sun was shovin' up over the edge of
the field, and he said, "No! Whatever happens, we'll stay! This is our land --
this is our home."
ORCHESTRA: SEGUE TO NEXT THEME .... FADE
TOM: And you know -- just as Bill was sayin' those words -- the little fellow
on the bed opened his eyes -- and he smiled up as if he wanted to say, "And
I'm stayin' with you -- alive." And then -- I'm tellin' you the truth -
outside the rain started fallin! ....
MUSIC: ... BUILDS .... FADES AGAIN UNDER:
TOM: Good rain - warm rain - splatterin' down on the hard, thirsty ground ...
And Bill and his wife ran outside, and the rain mixed with the wet on their
faces .... Yeah, and the grain grew strong again -- and the little fella grew
strong with it -- and in time other babies came and grew with the grain -- and
the word spread back across the hills about the gold of Bill's fields, and
others started the long journey to the west - and Bill's valley. Just a few
covered wagons at first, and then more and more, and then the rails pushed
their way through the wheat -- bringin' more home-hungry folks to this golden
ORCHESTRA & CHOIR: MUSIC UP AND SEGUE TO NEXT SCENE .... FADE
TOM: No, Miss Blaine - Bill Barnes isn't in any history book - just an
ordinary man sleepin' here quiet at the end of a field ... but this stone that
marks his rest isn't just a stone - it's a monument - a monument to him and
the folks like him who had a dream of home in their hearts, and took their
covered wagons and went over the hills and froze and hungered - but above all
didn't quit - the folks who dug deep in the ground so the roots of our country
would hold steady - (PAUSE - THEN, VIBRANTLY) They made a path for all the
rest of us to follow!
ORCHESTRA & CHOIR: TRIUMPHANT THEME ... BUILD TO FINISH
POWELL: You certainly turned in a swell job there, fella.
COOPER: Thanks, Dick. I liked doing it.
POWELL: Well, Gary, we appreciate your taking the time off from Paramount to
come over here and help us put on a show for our friends. How's the picture
going to be?
COOPER: It looks good. Ernst Lubitsch is directing and Claudette Colbert is my
leading lady. I think you'll like it.
POWELL: Sounds good to me. But before you get away I've got a question for
COOPER: Okay. Shoot.
POWELL: Frankly, Gary, we wanted to get [you] here for two reasons. First, to
give Mr. And Mrs. America some Cooper entertainment - and second we hoped
you'd say a word about Luckies.
COOPER: Sure. But what'll I say?
POWELL: Well just tell us why you smoke them.
COOPER: Well, I just think it's good business for a hard working actor to
watch the old larynx.
POWELL: The old larynx?
COOPER: Yes, larynx ... vocal chord to you, Mr. Powell. But really, Dick, I do
think Luckies are a lot easier on my throat. And that's the net of why I smoke
POWELL: Thanks, Gary, for saying that about Luckies. And thanks for a swell
COOPER: Good night and good luck.
[15 December 1937]
POWELL: ... Now one of the stars that shine over Hollywood brings us our next
Highlight of the Week, as Mr. Lucky Strike plays host to Henry Fonda .... A
swell actor, Henry is going to tackle something a little bit different tonight
... You're going to hear a one-man farce comedy, in which Henry Fonda plays
the lead opposite some assorted sound effects .... The title "I Do", suggests
wedding bells and orange blossoms, but that all depends upon just how well Mr.
Fonda handles the situation in which he finds himself. So just light up a
Lucky --- lean back, and relax while Leo Forbstein paints a musical setting
for a splendid actor -- Henry Fonda!
ORCHESTRA: MUSICAL CURTAIN AND SETTING ... FADE ...
POWELL: The scene - an automobile moving swiftly along - at the wheel a tall
young man by the name of William Brown. There is a gleam in Mr. Brown's eyes,
and a nervous song on his lips, for Mr. Brown is on his way to keep a
rendezvous with a license, a preacher, and a certain young lady.
IMPRESSIONISTIC MUSIC OF WEDDING MARCH, SEGUE INTO EFFECT OF AUTOMOBILE MOVING
ALONG - THIS EFFECT DOWN AND CONTINUING FAR, FAR BACK BEHIND.
BILL: (HE IS "DA-DA DUMMING" THE WEDDING MARCH TO HIMSELF - BREAKS OFF WITH:)
Do you, William K. Brown, take this woman to be your lawful wedded wife, to
love, honor, and so forth? (TRIES VARIOUS INFLECTIONS) I do ...
I do ... I do! (SIGHS) ... (BEGINS TO "DA-DE-DUM" WEDDING
MARCH AGAIN, BREAKING OFF AFTER A FEW SECONDS WITH:)
BILL: Are you nervous, Mr. Brown? No, Mr. Brown isn't nervous! Mr. Brown is a
man of iron and steel. Mr. Brown isn't nervous - the only reason he's got this
empty feeling inside is because - because (CHUCKLES) He's (HUMS) nervous. (UP
ON AUTO EFFECT A LITTLE)
BABY CRIES, BACK.
BILL: What in the --
SOUND OF AUTOMOBILE COMING TO SUDDEN STOP - SQUEAL OF BRAKES.
BABY CRIES AGAIN, BACK.
BILL: (AGHAST) Holy sufferin' codfish!
BABY CRIES AGAIN, BACK.
BILL: Where in the world did that thing come from?
BABY WHIMPERS AGAIN, BACK.
BILL: (TRYING TO REASSURE HIMSELF) One of us is in the wrong car -
BABY BEGINS TO CRY LOUDER.
BILL: Now wait a minute - don't do that!
BABY CONTINUES TO CRY.
BILL: I tell you don't - there's - there's nothing to cry - hey you'll fall
off that seat! (WITH EFFORT AS HE REACHES ACROSS TO BACK SEAT AND GETS CHILD.)
All right, all right, come on up here!
FADE IN BABY'S CRYING FULL TO GIVE IMPRESSION OF BABY BEING LIFTED INTO FRONT
BILL: A baby! In my car! (WOEFULLY) Why does everything happen to me? Do you -
do you bite?
BABY CRIES AGAIN.
BILL: All right now - take it easy! I didn't mean anything by that - Gosh - I
never handled one of you things before! Which end goes up?
BABY STOPS CRYING AND BEGINS TO GURGLE DELIGHTEDLY.
BILL: Those blankets - here, let me look at you.
BABY GURGLES A LITTLE LOUDER.
BILL: Say, you're not a very big one, are you? You couldn't have crawled in
there, now could you?
BILL: (AS IF ANSWERING BABY) No, I didn't think you could - You're a brand new
model, aren't you? I mean - oh, I don't know what I mean! I - I never had a
BILL: Well, what're you grinning about? This is a heck of a spot to be in! I'm
on my way to got married!
BILL: Yeah, I said married! And now I've got you on my hands! And if I'm late
to my own wedding - hey, wait a minute! I get it! It's that smart-aleck best-
man of mine - this has got all the earmarks of that corkscrew mind of his!
BABY STARTS TO CRY SOFTLY.
BILL: Now wait a minute - don't kick those blankets off! I won't know how to
put them back on! I mean - (AS HE SEES NOTE) Hey, wait a minute! What's this -
Pinned to your -- Hold still, will you? I've got to read it! (READS)
BABY CRIES DIE OUT BEHIND.
BILL: (CONTINUES - READS) "Dear Friend: I am putting my baby in your care
because I think that anyone who can afford such an expensive automobile could
afford maybe to take care of just one little baby. Her name is Sally and she
is a very good baby, but her father has gone away and I am going with him, so
please be good to her and please, please don't give her to an orphanage. God
BABY GURGLES SLEEPILY.
BILL: (SLOWLY) Her name is Sally .... My mother's name ... (SHARPLY TO HIDE
HIS FEELINGS) Well, what if it is? What can I do with a baby? I'm not
even married yet!
BILL: No, I'm not trying to give you a line! They're waiting for me at the
church right now! Listen, fella - I mean Sally - orphan-homes aren't so bad.
Why, look at the size of me - I was brought up in one!
BILL: Yeah, honest I was! 'Course it gets kind of lonely sometimes - I mean
around the holidays - you know, Christmas - you see Christmas trees in other
kids' windows and you start to thinking - (BREAKS OFF ANGRILY) Say what's the
matter with me? Ann waiting for me at the church and here I am playing "Hearts
BABY ON VERGE OF TEARS.
BILL: Aw, now - now, Sally, I wasn't yelling at you - only at myself!
BABY WHIMPERS APPEALINGLY.
BILL: Now please don't talk like that - I can't think straight when you do!
And I've got to figure out what to do with you, now don't I?
BILL: Yeah, sure, I know she said not to give you to an orphanage
(DEFENSIVELY) but what else can I do, Sally? You're such a tiny little thing
and I'm such a big awkward galoot - why, you fit right in the palm of my hand!
I mean -
BILL: (SLOWLY) I mean - (SOFTLY - APPEALINGLY) What do you wanna hold on to my
hand like that for? Be reasonable, kid - how can a guy like me take care of a
little bit of something like you?
BABY GURGLES AS IF TALKING.
BILL: Yeah, I know I'm going to get married, and Ann - well, she's as good a
sport as there is, but - but after all, good sport or not, be reasonable,
Sally! Would any girl want to take a baby along on a honeymoon?
BABY GURGLES AGAIN AS IF TALKING.
BILL: All right - if that's what you want - But - but - how'll I tell her?
Suppose she doesn't want a baby - Holy smoke! What if she doesn't want a baby?
SOUND OF OPENING AUTO DOOR.
BILL: I've got to telephone her! There - that store! Mebbe they got a
OPENING DOOR SHOP - BELL TINKLES - CLOSING DOOR
OLD MAN: (FADE IN) Could I help you, sir?
BILL: Sorry to bother you, but - but have you a telephone I could use?
OLD MAN: Yes, help yourself! Right, there against the wall.
NICKEL DROPPING IN TO SLOT - DIALING SOUND
BILL: (THROUGH DIALING - NERVOUSLY) Does she like kids? Doesn't she? Oh - why
didn't I ever ask her before -
BABY GURGLES BEHIND ABOVE.
BILL: (SOTTO) Hello, hello? Is this the church? Listen would you please call
Ann Cunningham to the telephone? ... Yeah ... I know she's getting married,
but get her to the telephone anyway! But I tell you she's got to come
to the telephone! This is Bill Brown! Yeah, that Bill Brown! Hurry!
BILL: Now take it easy, Sally - Hello - hello - Ann? It's Bill! No - no, wait,
Ann - listen to me! I haven't had a chance to mention this before - but kids -
how do you feel about kids? Yeah, little kids! Do you like 'em? You DO? (NOTE:
UP IN GREAT EXCITEMENT) That's SWELL! WHY?
BABY COOS IN CLOSE.
BILL: Well, you see, Ann - you - me - (UP) WE JUST HAD A BABY!
MUSIC: UP AND FINISH.
............... INSERT TESTIMONIAL ..............
POWELL: Thanks, Hank - that was really swell - And if what I've been hearing
is true, it is very apropos ... I understand you yourself are about to become
a father yourself.
FONDA: Yes, I read something like that in the papers ... I must remember to
ask my wife about it. But before I step off the air Dick, I have a short,
short story I think Mr. Lucky Strike would like to hear.
POWELL: Fire away - Hank.
FONDA: I started smoking Luckies you know, exactly five years, eight months
and two weeks ago tonight.
POWELL: How come you remember the eight months and two weeks so well?
FONDA: It was the opening of "FORSAKING ALL OTHERS", my first real opportunity
on Broadway. I was a young and ambitious understudy and I wanted to be in good
voice. So I tried different cigarettes to see which was the easiest on my
POWELL: And you picked Luckies?
FONDA: You bet I did ... five years, eight months and two weeks ago tonight!
POWELL: Thanks for telling us that, Henry Fonda ... and thanks again for a
FONDA: The fun was all mine. Goodnight, everybody.
[22 December 1937]
POWELL: Your Hollywood Parade moves along to the dramatic Highlight of the
Week. Tonight we strike a different note, in that our guests, while all actors
of reputation, are not even fifteen years old. Mr. Lucky Strike plays host to
the Mauch Twins, Billy and Bobby, who first met Mr. and Mrs. Picture-Fan in
"The Prince And The Pauper". Moving down the guest list we find two more
youthful actors in Billy Halop and Leo Gorcey, whose success in the New York
production of "Dead End" was followed with a similar success on the screen.
These four lads join in presenting an original sketch by Arch Oboler called
"Christmas Present", in which the Mauch boys portray the parts of Robert and
Richard, twin brothers of 14, with a bit too much Park Avenue breeding and too
little contact with life's realities ... Billy Halop plays Red, a fifteen year
old boy of New York's lower East Side -- and Leo Gorcey the role of Buck,
Red's younger brother ... Ladies and gentlemen, meet four young Musketeers of
ANNOUNCER: [DICK POWELL] The scene -- Christmas Eve on a dead end street by a
waterfront. On a corner a Salvation Army quartet is singing.
SALVATION ARMY BAND PLAYING FAR BACK BEHIND:
Two small boys, faces blue with cold, stand warming themselves by a fire built
in an empty oil drum ....
SALVATION ARMY QUARTET SINGING IN BACKGROUND - PAUSE
SOUND: STIRRING FIRE
BUCK: Gee, Red, it's gettin' kinda cold. We better get some more wood for the
fire. (PAUSE) Hey, what's a matter, Red, I said we better get some wood for
RED: (FROM HIS VOICE IT IS APPARENT HE HAS A GREAT DEAL ON HIS MIND) Yeah
BUCK: I'll betcha a buck it snows by mornin'.
RED: So what?
BUCK: Well ... last year we made six bits cleanin' off snow, didn't we?
RED: Yeah, but this ain't last year ...
BUCK: Well -
RED: Last year we had a shovel ...
BUCK: Yeah ... I never thought o' that ...
RED: Lissen to 'em. (SCORNFULLY IMITATES) Holy nite - silent nite! (OUT)
SOUND: HARBOR NOISES BACKGROUND
BUCK: Yeah. Why don't they swing it? (SWINGS SONG) Hotcha cha-cha-cha-cha holy
nite cha-cha - silent nite cha-cha--
RED: (ANGRILY) Buck! Cut it out.
BUCK: Aw, I ain't doin' nothin'! I was only --
RED: Shut up.
BUCK: Hey, what's eatin' you all day - what's wrong with ya?
RED: (BITTERLY) This Christmas Stuff!
BUCK: Christmas stuff?
RED: What do they wanna make it tough for?
BUCK: W-whatdye mean?
RED: Fillin' the windows fulla junk - all that baloney about givin' stuff - I
say if people got dough to throw around, well, let 'em do it and not make such
a noise about it!
BUCK: Yeah! That's right!
RED: (DEFENSIVELY) It's just another day, that's all!
BUCK: Yeah ....
RED: Baloney, that's what it is!
BUCK: (AFTER PAUSE) Hey, Red .....
BUCK: We tried to get the dough for it - we've been tryin' since summer!
RED: Yeah, but tryin' ain't gettin' it. Aw, the heck with it!
The heck with everything! (TEARS IN VOICE) The heck with Christmas!
BUCK: Red - you ain't cryin'?
RED: (TEARS IN VOICE) Who's cryin', ya punk? Go on - scram or I'll ---
BUCK: Hey, Red! Red, wait!
BUCK: Them kids comin' this way!
RED: Kids? Yeah! Who are they?
BUCK: I don't know! Get an eyeful! Fur bennys and everythin'!
RED: Couple rich punks slummin', eh? I'll fix 'em! (UP) Hey, you!
PERRY: (FADE IN) Were you speaking to me?
RED: I ain't talkin' to your grandmudder! What are you punks doin' here?
ROBERT: I don't see that that's any of your concern.
BUCK: Get the lip, Red - (IMITATES) "Any of your concoin". He's a rag'lar
RED: Shut up. Listen, you - what's your moniker?
ROBERT: My what?
BUCK: Red! He-sa no spik English!
RED: Listen, Poicy - I'm askin' ya your name!
ROBERT: It happens to be Robert Livingstone Matthews, Jr. And this is my
RICHARD: How do you do?
BUCK: Git that, Red? A little punk and he's got three names!
RED: Lay off, Buck! Lissen, you guys - don't ya know it ain't healthy to come
down this street?
ROBERT: I don't see why not!
RED: 'Cause it's my street, see, and I'm particular who wears out the
BUCK: Hey, Poicy, is that real fur you got on your benny?
RICHARD: My name happens to be Richard.
BUCK: O.K., Poicy, so it's Richard! Is that real fur on your benny?
RICHARD: Robert, what's he talking about?
RED: Don't you guys know about nothin'? My brother's askin' if that's real fur
on your coat?
RICHARD: Of course it is.
BUCK: So dat's what happened to Mrs. Holtzmeier's cat! (LAUGHS HUGELY AT HIS
RICHARD: I don't think that was very funny.
BUCK: No? Well, how'd you like a little sock in the puss? How would you like
it, eh? How'd you like it?
RED: Lay off. Lissen, mugs - where ya from and what ya doin' here?
ROBERT: It's none of your concern and I don't see why --
RICHARD: No, wait, Robert - I'll tell them. I don't see that it makes any
RED: Okay, punk, dish it out!
RICHARD: We live in the Edgewater Towers over there - I'm Richard - this is
Robert - we're fourteen - our father was the president of the General Bank
Corporation and when he died he left us each a million dollars in trust - we
live with our mother, and I've taken boxing lessons from George Leonard, the
ex-champion! There! Is there anything else you'd like to know?
BUCK: Hey, Red, get-a load-a dat! A million bucks! An' boxin' lessons from the
RED: Are you guys shootin' the bull?
ROBERT: My brother Richard was telling you the exact truth!
BUCK: Yeah - A million bucks!
RED: If ya got a million bucks what are ya here for?
RICHARD: We're out to make a night of it.
BUCK: What are ya poppin' off about?
ROBERT: He said that we're out to make a night of it. Do you mind if we sit
down here by your fire while we talk?
RICHARD: You see, we're rather cold.
RED: Okay! If you wanna - squat!
ROBERT: That's better! SOUND: (FIRE) Nice fire you boys have here.
RED: Yeah - we got a fire and you got a million bucks!
RICHARD: (LAUGHINGLY) No, we haven't exactly got it!
BUCK: I told ya he was bending our ear!
ROBERT: Is that so? - Well - my brother said it was in trust and that means we
don't get it all until we're twenty-one! And that's seven more years!
RED: (SUSPICIOUSLY) Why ain't ya home?
RICHARD: I told you - we're out to make a night of it! We'll show her!
ROBERT: She can't do that to us!
RED: She can't do -- What're ya talkin' about?
RICHARD: Should we tell him, Robert?
ROBERT: Why not?
BUCK: You guys ain't takin' a run-out powder?
ROBERT: If you mean are we running away, certainly not! We're just going to
stay out all night and teach our mother when we say a thing, we mean it!
RED: Teach your mother a lesson, huh? What's it all about?
ROBERT: Well, you know, tomorrow's Christmas.
RED: (FLATLY) Yeah.
ROBERT: Well - we asked our mother to get us a new boat --
RICHARD: Yes we told her we wanted a star boat - the kind you can sail in -
ROBERT: And we just found out that she didn't buy us a boat at all--
RICHARD: No, she didn't -- So we're going to make a night of it and teach her
BUCK: (A LITTLE DAZED) Red, lissen to these guys! They --
RED: (INTERRUPTING) Hold it! Listen, you guys, are you givin' me the works?
ROBERT: If you mean, are we fooling you, certainly not!
RICHARD: We definitely told mother weeks ago that a star boat was the
Christmas present we wanted, and if that's all the attention she pays to our
wishes, we're going to make her sorry, believe you me!
ROBERT: We're - we're even going to stay out all night!
BUCK: (SCORNFULLY) Did ya hear that, Red! (IMITATES) Gonna stay out all night!
RICHARD: We are, too!
ROBERT: Under the circumstances it's the only way to teach our mother a
lesson. Don't you fellows agree with us?
BUCK: (SARCASTICALLY) Yeah! When our Momma don't buy us boats we always
stay out all nite - don't we, Red?
RED: Lissen, you guys - tell me how much did that boat you wanted cost?
ROBERT: Oh, about four or five hundred dollars! What's the difference? We've
got a right to be angry!
RED: (SLOWLY) Yeah ... if somebody don't give ya the present you want, I guess
ya got a right to be sore ...
ROBERT: You mean you and Buck were disappointed, too?
RED: (SLOWLY) Yeah! Yeah, sure we were! That's why we ain't home - that's why
we're gonna make a - a night of it ....
RICHARD: And you're sure you're not going to get the present?
RED: Not a chance ....
ROBERT: Then you know just how we feel!
RED: Sure, sure. I know ....
RICHARD: Was it - was it something terribly expensive?
RED: Yep ... Cost plenty ....
ROBERT: Not as much as our present!
RED: Naw ... not five hundred ... Five bucks ...
RICHARD: You mean five dollars?
RED: Yep ....
ROBERT: (LAUGHINGLY) Good heavens, what kind of present could you get for five
RED: A dress .. (PAUSE) for my Ma ....
RICHARD: (AFTER TENSE PAUSE) Oh .....
SOUND: (HARBOR NOISE)
ROBERT: We're .... sorry ....
RED: (ANGRILY) What have ya got to be sorry about? I ain't askin' ya to be
sorry! You just asked me and I told ya! (BUILDING) Ya come around here cryin'
'cause Santy Claus didn't stick a boat down your stockin', so you're gonna
walk around the streets all night so your old lady'll see she done wrong an'
do what ya want her to do! And then ya want me to tell ya that you're actin'
like a couple smart guys! Well, I'm tellin' ya this - me and Buck here have
got a old lady too, but we ain't got a old man who died with a trust fund, so
tomorrow's gonna be just another day for my Ma, and if you'd walk the
street all night just to make your old lady sorry, me I'd walk the
streets from now until next Christmas if I only knew some way I could
make mine glad! (WEEPILY) Now go on - pick up your marbles and get outa
ROBERT: But, Red ---
RED: (IN TEARS - FIERCELY TO HIDE HIS EMOTION) Get outa here I say! Go on, get
RICHARD: Red - wait - we'd like to --
RED: Get outa here I tell ya! I don't care if ya learned how to fight from a
million champs - if you don't scram outa here I'll throw ya in the river! Go
on, beat it!
BUCK: Hey, you'se guys better go! Red - he's awful sore!
ROBERT: All right. But - but where --
RICHARD: I - I think we'll go .... home ...
ROBERT: Yeah. (HESITANTLY) Well.. Merry Christmas to you, Red - and you Buck
(FADE) Come on, Richard -
RICHARD: (FADE) Well, Merry Christmas, follows ....
FOR A SECOND OR SO ALL THAT IS HEARD IS THE SALVATION CHOIR STARTING TO SING
FAR, FAR BACK, CONTINUING BACK BEHIND:
BUCK: They're gone, Red. You don't have to - (WANTS TO SAY "CRY" BUT DOESN'T
DARE) to be sore any more.
RED: (RECOVERING HIMSELF - SNIFFING) I'm O.K. .....
BUCK: (EXCITEDLY) Hey, Red! Look!
SOUND: (ROCKS - SLIGHTLY)
RED: What's the matter?
BUCK: Look what I found where that Robert guy was sittin'!
RED: (EXPLOSIVELY) Dough!
BUCK: Yeah! Five buck! (HAPPILY) Five bucks, Red! Just what we needed!
RED: We ain't takin' their dough! We've gotta give it back to 'em! We gotta! -
Hey fellers -
BUCK: But they're gone! They ain't in sight! They ran away! They - they
left it for us!
RED: Yeah. For us. (TEARS IN VOICE - IN CLOSE) Merry Christmas ... fellas ....
CHOIR MUSIC TAKEN UP BY FULL VOICE OF CHOIR - MUSIC UP
[29 December 1937]
POWELL: Thank you .... Now for the dramatic highlite of the Week in Hollywood
... Mr. Lucky Strike plays host to one of the leading actors of the Camera
Clan -- a man who averages a thrill a minute in his screen characterizations
-- Edward G. Robinson .... Tonite, Mr. Robinson departs from his usual dynamic
roles in an original dramatization for the air by Arch Oboler -- "Adventure
Postponed". In it, he plays the part of Swallow, a Gentleman of the Road with
a quiet sense of humor and his own philosophy of life and the world he lives
in .... Assisting Mr. Robinson is Jane Bryan -- who appears with him in his
latest picture "A Slight Case of Murder". Miss Bryan plays Emily, a girl of 15
with romantic illusions about the world outside her sphere. Now, up with the
curtain -- and a spotlite for Edward G. Robinson!
ORCHESTRA: (MUSICAL CURTAIN FADE FOR:)
ANNOUNCER: [DICK POWELL] The scene - a long freight train waiting at a siding
somewhere far out in the country. A small figure crawls out of the weeds at
the side of the railroad right-of-way, looks cautiously about to see if any of
the trainmen are watching, runs quickly to a box-car where the door is part
way open, and tries to climb inside. A hobo face covered in a three day beard
suddenly appears out of the shadow of the car.
EMILY: (GASPS IN SURPRISE) Oh! Oh, I didn't know that...
SWALLOW: (CHUCKLES) What's the matter, kid - did I scare you?
EMILY: (SHE HAS ONE OF THOSE VOICES WHICH MIGHT BE THAT OF A YOUNG BOY OF 14)
I - I didn't think there was anyone in this car.
SWALLOW: That's the way it goes - if ya live, ya gotta learn. Here grab my
hand .... I'll give you a boost.
EMILY: (HESITANTLY) W-well - I --
SWALLOW: What's the matter with you? Don't you want to get on this train?
EMILY: Why, yes, I do! But I - I thought this car was empty, I didn't know --
SWALLOW: It's okay kid - there's still one drawin' room left - it's all yours!
Here - come on - grab my hand. There, that's the boy. (WITH EFFORT AS HE PULLS
OTHER UP INTO CAR) There you are!
EMILY: I - I hope I'm not intruding ....
SWALLOW: (CHUCKLES) Polite little mug, aren't you? What's your name?
EMILY: Well, I - I --
SWALLOW: (CHUCKLING) It's okay, kid -- any name'll do. For instance, right
now, mine's Swallow.
EMILY: (PUZZLED) S-Swallow?
SWALLOW: Yeah, Swallow! North in the summer - south in the winter - that's me.
And that's my pal Snuffy sleepin' over there in the corner. But don't mind him
- Snuffy thinks the best way to live is to sleep. Now what's your name?
EMILY: I'm - I'm John. John Brown.
SWALLOW: Yeah? John Brown. Any relation to the fellow whose soul goes marching
SWALLOW: Let it lay. Whatcha got in that bag?
SWALLOW: (UNBELIEVINGLY) Wha-at?
EMILY: I said doughnuts. You want some?
SWALLOW: Do I! Say!
SOUND OF TEARING BAG, ETC.
SWALLOW: (MOUTHFUL OF DOUGHNUTS) Well! I cast my eyes toward heaven for manna,
and what did I get? (CHUCKLES) Doughnuts!
EMILY: I'm - I'm glad you like them.
SWALLOW: Say, what kind of a boe are you, anyway, carrying around fresh
EMILY: I - I found them.
SWALLOW: (SMACKING LIPS) Well, some call it findin', and some call it
borrowin' but whatever it is, it's okay by me! Say, you're just a young mug,
EMILY: No - I'm - I'm almost sixteen!
SWALLOW: (SKEPTICALLY) Sixteen with pipes like that? Aw, come on - Here - take
off the lid and let's have a look at you!
EMILY: No, please - I'd rather keep my cap on if you don't mind!
SWALLOW: Yeah, but I do mind!
EMILY: No! I won't take it off!
SWALLOW: (CHUCKLING) Tough little mug, eh? Okay, I'll take it off for you!
EMILY: No, please, I --
SWALLOW: (IN SURPRISE) Pigtails! Well I'll be a - you're a girl!
SWALLOW: Aw, now look here, kid - I didn't want to hurt you! Honest! I
EMILY: (SNIFFLING) You didn't hurt me!
SWALLOW: Then what are you cryin' about?
EMILY: Because - because you know I'm a girl!
SWALLOW: Well, is that anything to cry about? Here, sit down here by the door
and tell me all about it. Now - what's your name - that John Brown monicker
don't fit so well anymore, if you get what I mean?
EMILY: Well - my name is Emily.
SWALLOW: Emily, eh? .... Nice name ... How long you been on the road, Emily?
EMILY: You mean how long have I been away from home?
EMILY: (HESITANTLY) Uh - a month - I mean a year - I mean always!
SWALLOW: (CHUCKLES) Always! Stork brought you in a box-car eh? ... Come
on, now, Emily, let's have the low-down - runnin' away from home, ain't you?
EMILY: Oh, no, no! I come from a long way off - from California! Yes - from
SWALLOW: Sister, if you're from California, I'm from Park Avenue!
EMILY: Park Avenue? (EAGERLY) That's in New York isn't it?
SWALLOW: That's where it is, unless it got a dispossess.
EMILY: Oh, New York must be a wonderful place! That's where I'm going!
SWALLOW: Yeah? On this train?
EMILY: Well ... yes!
SWALLOW: Sorry, sister - this one's headin' for Chicago.
EMILY: It is?
EMILY: (BRIGHTLY) Oh, well, Chicago's a big city too, so I guess it doesn't
make any difference - any place just so that I get away from this horrible
dump! (AS SHE REALIZES HER MISTAKE) I - I mean --
SWALLOW: (SLOWLY) So you're from California, eh?
EMILY: Yes, I am!
SWALLOW: Listen, Emily - see that farm house over there at the edge of the
EMILY: But I'm from California!
SWALLOW: I'll lay you five to one that if I walked up to the door there and I
said, "You got a little girl - corn-colored hair - blue eyes - name of Emily?"
they'd say, "We sure have! Know where she is?" Yeah, come to think of it I
guess I'll go over there and --
EMILY: No, no, please! Please don't tell them!
SWALLOW: (IN QUIET TRIUMPH) So you're from California ....
EMILY: But I had to get away! I had to!
SWALLOW: What's the matter -- old man too tough for you?
EMILY: My father's dead ...
SWALLOW: Oh! So it's your ma you can't get along with - that it?
EMILY: Oh, no! My mother never bothers me! She's been sick in bed for ever so
long - there's something the matter with her back.
EMILY: Oh, don't you see, mister -- I had to get away! You don't know
what it is to live on a farm all your life!
SWALLOW: (FLATLY) Don't I?
EMILY: I want to go places ... see different things!
SWALLOW: Everything looks pretty much the same .... from a box-car ....
EMILY: Chicago! New York! Oh, it'll be so wonderful!
SWALLOW: I suppose you've been sittin' in that house over there - watchin' the
trains go by day after day, and thinkin' to yourself how swell it is to ride
up and down, goin' where you want to go, seein' everythin' there is to see ...
EMILY: Of course! And, mister, it is wonderful!
SWALLOW: No, it ain't! It's dirty and it's cold and you're hungry all the
time! You don't know what that means, do you?
EMILY: (INDIGNANTLY) Of course I do! I've been hungry lots of times.
SWALLOW: No, you ain't! That ain't bein' hungry -- waitin' for your ma to call
you to supper! Bein' hungry's bein' alone, not even havin' anybody to be
hungry with! Moochin' bread and walkin' by restaurants and smellin' the
stuff inside and feelin' your insides just sort of tearin' out of you - that's
EMILY: You can't talk me out of going!
SWALLOW: Look here - your ma -- you said she was sick, didn't you? What kind
of a girl are you, anyway, runnin' out on your ma like that? She needs you,
EMILY: (WEEPING) Stop it! Stop saying that! What do you know about it? I've
got to be somebody! What do you know about things like that?
SWALLOW: All right, Emily - quiet down - no use yellin' at each other. I'll
tell you what I know about it. I'm pretty good at that. Knowin' about it
didn't do me much good, tho - because that don't keep me from tellin' others
the truth .....
EMILY: What do you mean - truth?
SWALLOW The truth about that feelin' you got inside of ya. Everybody wants
wings when they're your age, Emily -- they want to run and fly - away - far
away - to a world where there's nothing but romance and excitement and
adventure ..... But it can't be done, Emily - and the world you want to fly to
isn't a real world. Funny thing too is if you stay where you are, in a little
while you do find the real world - a world of work and home and kids
....(HIS OWN MISERY IN HIS VOICE) But if you shut your eyes and fly anyway,
sometimes you never come down to earth again - you fly 'round and 'round
lookin' and hopin' for somethin' - you don't know just what - and you get
older and your wings get tired - and you want a place to rest - but you
haven't anything - nothin' .... So, come on, be smart. Come on, kid - get out
of here - go on home!
EMILY: No, no! I won't go! I won't!
SOUND: (TRAIN HOOTS TWO TIMES, FAR BACK)
SWALLOW: Listen! We're gonna pull out! Get off, kid!
EMILY: No! If I go back now I'll never get away! I'm old - I'm fifteen!
SWALLOW: (IN DESPERATION) Listen, Emily - if I promise to come back for you,
will you get off?
EMILY: (IN AMAZEMENT) You - come back for me?
SWALLOW: Yeah! Yeah, that's it - sure! If you go home and stay with your ma
and go to school and stuff like that - in a couple of years when you're a
regular lady - I'll come by this way again, and if you still want to, I'll
take you and your ma straight to New York and show you the whole works from
start to finish!
EMILY (ECSTATICALLY) Oh, mister! Will you? Will you really?
SWALLOW: Of course I will -
EMILY: And you'll take us every place?
SWALLOW: Every place!
SOUND: (FREIGHT CARS JERK AS THEY START OFF)
SWALLOW: Quick! The train's startin'! Will you promise to stay home? Will you
EMILY: Oh, yes, yes, I will! I will! Oh, Mister Swallow, I've always wanted a
father like you!
SWALLOW: Come on. Nix on that father stuff! Go on! Get off! Get off!
EMILY: (FADE) Goodbye, Mister Swallow!
SWALLOW: (UP) So long kid!
SOUND: (TRAIN STARTING OFF)
EMILY: (FAR BACK) Goodbye, Mister Swallow! Please, hurry! I'll be waiting!
SOUND: (TRAIN NOISES UP FOR A FEW SECONDS... FADE & CONTINUE CLICKETY-CLACK OF
TRAIN IN MOTION FAR BACK, BEHIND:)
SWALLOW: Goodbye! -- (SOTTO) How do you like that - a father like me.
SNUFFY: (FADE IN, SLEEPILY) Hey, Swallow! What's all the noise about? What's
all the noise?
SWALLOW: Nuthin', Snuffy: Go on back to sleep!
SNUFFY: Who - who was ya talkin' to?
SWALLOW: (SOTTO) "I've always wanted a father like you" .....
SNUFFY: Wha - what did you say?
SWALLOW: (CHUCKLES WITHOUT MIRTH) Aw, never mind! Snuffy - you been sleepin' -
and me - well - I've been mighty close to a dream ....
POWELL: Thank you, Eddie Robinson! When it comes to delivering a dramatic
punch, you're right in there fighting - but don't go away, please -- we want
to hear more from you later on ... And thanks too, Jane Bryan. You were grand.
ROBINSON: (AUCTIONEER CHANT OFF MIKE)
POWELL: Now your Hollywood Parade moves on to another highlight. This time
it's --- Hey, what's going on here anyway? Eddie -- Eddie Robinson - what's
the idea, making all that racket?
ROBINSON: Dick, I just can't get over that auctioneer!
POWELL: What do you mean?
You know - that fellow that begins your program with ...
POWELL: (BREAKS HIM OFF ON CHANT) ... That's fine, Eddie - We're kind of proud
of the way he does that spiel of his.
ROBINSON: I wouldn't mind if I could play that fast myself - but do you know,
I think that auctioneer is one of the best things on "Your Hollywood Parade".
POWELL: We think so too, Eddie.
ROBINSON: And another thing, Dick. Whenever I hear him I am reminded the
tobacco experts, like your auctioneer, smoke Luckies.
POWELL: Spoken like a true Lucky fan, Eddie.
ROBINSON: That's me ... You see, I like both cigars and cigarettes, and I
smoke them both. So naturally, in a cigarette, I want rich tobacco taste. Now
Luckies have that rich full flavor - at the same time they're mellow and easy
on my throat.
POWELL: Oh, Eddie, how long have you smoked Luckies?
ROBINSON: Oh, about ten years at least - And like almost everybody else in
Hollywood, you'll never find me without Luckies in my dressing room or in my
POWELL: Thanks a lot, Eddie ... It was grand of you to join the Parade tonight
and give us such great entertainment. And we're grateful for what you said
ROBINSON: A pleasure, Dick ... So long, and Happy New Year, to everyone. Good
War News, Exclusive
[12 January 1937]
POWELL: Thank you ... Now for our guest of the evening, a beautiful lady and
grand actress, the Walter Wanger star, Madeline Carroll ... About a year ago
I had the pleasure of playing with Miss Carroll in a picture entitled "On The
Avenue" ... With that very pleasant memory in mind, we're doubly happy to have
her with us tonight. Madeline appears in "War News Exclusive" - an air-drama
by Arch Oboler .... She plays the part of Carol Andrews a girl war-
correspondent whose life seems to be hopelessly mixed up with one Russell
Wood. Wood, a real, two-fisted newshawk, is played by Ricardo Cortez, one of
Hollywood's most popular leading men ... Stu Collins, another correspondent,
is played by the well-known cinema actor, Regis Toomey ... And now, up with
the curtain for some of that "War News, Exclusive"!
ORCHESTRA: MUSICAL CURTAIN .... FADE FOR:
POWELL: ........... The scene, as our play opens, is a war-torn city. It is
night - looking up into the sky anxiously is Carol Andrews, a newspaper
correspondent. With her is Stu Collins, another correspondent, who has
fortified himself, one way or another, against an expected bombing attack ....
CAROL: Come on, Stu - be a good little boy and get back to your hotel.
STU: (SLIGHTLY DRUNK) No - I don' wanna!
CAROL: But you fool, it's dangerous out here! Why you ever came out here to
the war zone I don't understand!
STU: Well, old man says, "Stu Collins, you're afraid to be a war
correspondent!" So I say to him, I say - what did I say?
CAROL: I don't know, and I don't care! You idiot, will you get off the street?
There's going to be a bombing attack any moment - there always is at this hour
of the night! Now come on!
STU: All right, all right! Let's take a taxi!
CAROL: Will you snap out of it? You're not strolling around Times Square -
you're in a war zone! Now come on - give me your arm!
STU: Poor Russell! Poor ole Russell!
CAROL: Russell? What has Russell got to do with this?
STU: Gonna marry you! Poor ole Russell!
CAROL: Never you mind about poor ole Russell! You keep walking! Russell is
just where he belongs - safe and sound behind a copy desk!
STU: That's right - safe and sound - and you're to blame! Fixed it with the
managing editor, didn't you?
CAROL: And what if I did! Russell Wood is the most reckless, irresponsible man
that ever carried a portable typewriter! He's got about as much right news-
reporting in a war zone as you have!
STU: Poor ole Russell!
CAROL: Now stop "poor ole Russelling" me and keep moving! This is just the
kind of a night when those bombers come over, and I certainly don't want to be
dodging any high explosives with you on my arm! Now hurry before --
SOUND OF BOMB EXPLOSION, FAR BACK
CAROL: (UP) The bombers!
AIR RAID SIRENS BEGIN WAILING, CONTINUING BEHIND
ANOTHER EXPLOSION, IN CLOSER
CAROL: You crazy fool! Run!
ANOTHER EXPLOSION, REVERBERATING
STU: (SINGING DRUNKENLY) "Just Before The Battle, Mother."
CAROL: You everlasting idiot! Come on--there's a bomb shelter down here!
CAROL: Here! Down here!
STU: O.K.! O.K.!
CLOSING DOOR -- SIRENS DOWN -- INTERMITTENT BOMB EXPLOSIONS CONTINUING MUFFLED
AS IF HEARD THRU CLOSED DOOR
CAROL: There! That's better! At least we've got some protection in this place!
STU: Gimme a typewriter. Gotta cable my paper. Enemy bombs star reporter. War
news exclusive! Gimme a - (SHARPLY) Listen to that!
STU: A typewriter! So help me, I hear a typewriter!
CAROL: Why this is nothing but an old wine-cellar!
STU: Come on - right around the corner - next room.
FADE IN TYPEWRITER CLICKING BEHIND ABOVE SPEECH - SIRENS SOFT
CAROL: It's a man - typing!
STU: What'd I tell ya! What'd I tell ya!
CAROL: Why it's - oh, no, it can't be!
STU: Hiya, Russell ole boy, ole boy! Lemme have that typewriter will ya, ole
pal ole boy!
CAROL: Rus! Russell Wood! It - it can't be you!
RUSSELL: Hello, Carol. I expected to find you annoying me sooner or later!
CAROL: But - but Russell - you - you're supposed to be in New York!
RUSSELL: Look here, my sweet - just because I love you doesn't-- Oh listen
Carol - I'm a newspaper man - first, last, and all the time!
CAROL: But the managing editor promised me --
RUSSELL: Oh, so you did talk the chief into chaining me to that blasted
CAROL: Well, what if I did? I love you and you're much too reckless to be a
RUSSELL: Well of all the interfering females --
STU: Atta boy ole boy! If you two are gonna fight I'm gonna (FADE) lie down
and go to sleep! Good ole war!
RUSSELL: All rite, Stu - I suppose it's perfectly all right for that half wit
to be running around here, but me - oh, it's too dangerous for me!
CAROL: It certainly is!
RUSSELL: Look here, Carol - you've got to stop trying to regulate my life! You
can't make me over into something I'm not!
CAROL: Well, you wanted to make a kitchenette decoration out of me!
RUSSELL: That's different!
CAROL: Oh, no, it isn't! I just want you to keep out of trouble! For the last
fifteen years, wherever there's been shooting, that's where you've been!
RUSSELL: And that's where I'll continue to be!
CAROL: Not as my husband, you won't!
RUSSELL: Oh, no! Let me tell you--
CAROL: Wait, Russell! Listen!
RUSSELL: Yeah! The raid's over! O.K., let's call a truce on our fight and
get back to the hotel.
CAROL: No, Russell.
RUSSELL: No what?
CAROL: I - I've got some business to attend to.
RUSSELL: Business? Look here, what are you up to?
CAROL: It - it wouldn't interest you.
RUSSELL: Oh, yes, it would! This is no place for a woman to be wandering
CAROL: I'm a newspaper woman!
RUSSELL: You're a babe in the woods as far as this kind of work is concerned!
What are you up to? I'll go along with you wherever it is!
CAROL: Oh, no, you won't. You say that I'm always interfering with your
business - well, if that's true, you better stop interfering with mine! I'm on
my own, my dear Russell entirely on my own! ....
SOUND OF DOOR OPENING
COUNTESS: (DEFINITE ACCENT) Ah, you will come in, Miss Andrews.
CAROL: (IN FAST) Sorry I'm late, Countess - the air-raid delayed me.
CAROL: (EAGERLY) How soon will he be here?
COUNTESS: Oh any moment. After all, he is the great generalissimo.
CAROL: (EXULTANTLY) The general himself! Do you realize what an interview with
him will mean to me? It'll be the scoop of the century!
COUNTESS: But of course! You have brought the money?
CAROL: Yes, of course, but if you don't mind, we'll just wait on that until
after the general gets here.
COUNTESS: You are very naive, my dear!
CAROL: What do you mean? You tell me that I can have an exclusive interview
with the general on payment of a thousand dollars, I brought the money. Now
you're talking in riddles - what's this all about?
COUNTESS: The whereabouts of the generalissimo, at the moment, is as great a
mystery to me as it is to you. (PAUSE) The thousand dollars, if you please!
CAROL: You don't imagine I'll let you take it away from me?
COUNTESS: I'm no longer amused. Give me the money!
CAROL: Oh, I see. Give it to you - at the point of a gun!
COUNTESS: A gun which you will force me to use.
CAROL: All right .... Here you are .... The title Countess may be phony but
the gun looks real enough to me.
COUNTESS: (CHUCKLING) Indeed it is. Sit down here! So! Your hands behind your
CAROL: You've my money and you've a gun - why tie me up?
COUNTESS: It will amuse me to tell you. Five minutes after I place this lamp
in the window - so - a rebel battery beyond those hills will open fire on this
CAROL: (CONFUSEDLY) Open fire on this house? But - but why?
COUNTESS: The generalissimo is as naive as you. I told him that tonight I
would bring a notorious foreign agent to this house. And for this information
he paid me - (CHUCKLES) One thousand dollars!
CAROL: You - you're joking! They wouldn't shell this place!
COUNTESS: It was the generalissimo's own ingenious idea. If accidentally a
shell falls in this house and you are killed -
CAROL: You - you devil you!
COUNTESS: And a most profitable evening for the devil! Two thousand dollars!
(FADE) Adios, my unfortunate friend.
CAROL: No, no, come back here!
COUNTESS: (FADING ON CHUCKLE, CHUCKLE OFF WITH)
CAROL: (UP) Countess! You! Whatever your name is! Come back! You can't leave
me here! Come back! (TO HERSELF) You can't leave me here to die! Help! Someone
SOUND: DOOR BURSTING OPEN
RUSSELL: (IN FAST) Stop making so much noise!
CAROL: (WEEPILY) Oh, Russell!
RUSSELL: Save it! We've got about three minutes before the shooting starts!
CAROL: That rope ---
RUSSELL: Okay, I've got it loose! Come on!
SOUND: OF RUNNING FEET
CAROL: (RUNNING) But how can we get far enough away before --
RUSSELL: I've got a car! If the engine's still running, we'll make it! - Hurry
dear - Here we are -
CAROL: (AD LIB BUSINESS OF RUNNING AND GETTING INTO CAR)
FADE IN SOUND OF AUTO ENGINE IDLING
RUSSELL: Here - quick - get in!
SOUND: DISTANT BOOM OF CANNONS
CAROL: They've started!
SOUND: AUTOMOBILE STARTING OFF FAST
RUSSELL: Well, so have we!
SOUND: ANOTHER CANNON CRASH, BACK
CAROL: She did tell the truth! They are firing at the house!
RUSSELL: Let 'em have their fun as long as you're out of it!
CAROL: But -- but how did you know where to follow me?
RUSSELL: Stu Collins - I stood him on his head until he talked!
CAROL: Oh, Russ - when I think of the silly things I said - not wanting you to
interfere with my affairs!
RUSSELL: It's okay - I fell for the countess' phony line myself once when she
was selling information down in the Balkans!
CAROL: Russ! You didn't!
RUSSELL: So help me! But that doesn't justify your acting like a nitwit!
CAROL: (SHAKILY) Go right ahead, Russ - I deserve anything you say. I - I'll
never do a thing again without telling you all about it.
RUSSELL: Well, now we're getting places! If all this woke you up to the fact
that maybe I am headman - it's been worth the excitement! Yeah ... and that
reminds me ...
CAROL: Wha' ...
RUSSELL: Reach in my pocket.
CAROL: Russ! It's-it's money!
RUSSELL: Yeah, your thousand dollars. I took it away from the countess as she
came diving out the door.
CAROL: But Russ - I only gave her a thousand dollars and there's TWO thousand
RUSSELL: TWO thousand?
CAROL: Russ! This other thousand belongs to the general!
RUSSELL: Ah! The thousand dollars he paid her for that phony information!
RUSSELL: But - but..what'll we do with it?
CAROL: Well, - all's fair in love and war, isn't it?
RUSSELL: Just what do you mean?
CAROL: I mean the extra thousand - we'll use it - (CHUCKLES) on our honeymoon!
POWELL: Thank you, Madeline, that was grand -- a real, entertainment scoop ...
and congratulations Ric -- you get the gal! Thanks to you, too, Regis - you
rounded out a swell cast. .....
[SINGER ROSEMARY] LANE: Oh Dick.
POWELL: Hello, Roeemary.
LANE: What's all this I heard about going down to Madeline Carroll's house at
Malibu, Sunday? Ricardo Cortez said something to me about it.
POWELL: That' s right, the gang is going to her house at Malibu for a swim and
stuff on Sunday ... You're coming, aren't you?
LANE: Well, I haven't been invited.
POWELL: Invited? Why you're just supposed to drop in that's all.
CARROLL: Oh, Dick!
POWELL: Hello, Madeline?
CARROLL: Dick, I'm not in the habit of eavesdropping - but what's all this
talk about my house?
POWELL Well-it seems that Rosemary doesn't know about your open house next
CARROLL: Then that's your fault, Dick. You were to ask everyone. Rosemary, let
me make the invitation definite right now!
LANE:. Well, thank you. Madeline - I'd love to come.
POWELL: We'll all be there. Sometimes, Madeleine, I think you've got rubber
walls on that house of yours -- last time I was there, I thought all Hollywood
had moved in. What they did to that pantry!
CARROLL: Oh, but we love it -- really.
POWELL: Say - do you mind if I tell Mr. Lucky Strike something - I hope he's
listening -- something I noticed down there, last time?
CARROLL: Of course not, Dick.
POWELL: (LAUGHS) Well, I wanted to tell how the Luckies around the place
disappeared - but like that (SNAPS HIS FINGERS).
CARROLL: Oh, I can explain that - we buy cartons and cartons of Luckies. Since
most of our guests like you and Rosemary have to be so careful of their
throats - naturally they all prefer a cigarette that's easy on the throat.
POWELL: How about the hostess herself? Haven't you a kind word?
CARROLL: You bet I have Dick - I think Luckies are a grand tasting cigarette.
POWELL: Thank you Madeleine Carroll - well, be seeing you Sunday - and last
one in the pool has to put the water in it!
[19 January 1937]
POWELL: ... Now for Mr. Lucky Strike's guest of honor this evening -- a
sterling actor and grand person, Edward Arnold, the B. P. Schulberg star. Some
time ago, when we were discussing Eddie's appearance here on the Parade, Eddie
and I went fishing. The weather was fine, the fishing swell -- in fact only
one little thing cropped up to spoil our complete enjoyment of the trip --
That was Eddie's passion for singing "Asleep In The Deep" at odd moments -- I
even got to the point where I hoped he'd get seasick, but the sea was calm and
Eddie kept right on crooning -- So tonight I don't know whether to introduce
Edward Arnold to you as an actor or a doubtful basso. Right at the moment,
he's an actor, appearing in an air-drama called "Swami", by Arch Oboler -- He
is assisted by Rosella Towne, one of Warner Brothers up and coming youngsters.
The plot -- well, let's get that curtain up first -- Ladies and gentlemen,
ORCHESTRA: MUSICAL CURTAIN
POWELL: The place is a dinner party being given in the Carter home in honor of
the engagement of young Frank Carter to Eve Jackson and the scene is on the
verandah of the house. Under a star-swept sky stands the young engaged couple.
Frank is speaking.
EVE: The happiest I've ever been,
FRANK: Oh, I'm so pleased the family liked you! Even Aunt Agatha - and she
hasn't liked anything since Bull Run.
EVE: (LAUGHS - THEN SIGHS) Oh, if only my father could have been here.
FRANK: Yes, mother was asking about him. I explained about his business trip.
Awkward that it should have come just at this time.
EVE: Yes, I wanted him to fly here to Boston, but it seemed to be out of the
question. Poor dad, he's so busy!
FRANK: Oh, well, I suppose there'll be plenty of opportunities for him and the
family to get together before the wedding. Shall we go out and join the
others? We're all going to have our fortunes told by the Swami Yogoda!
EVE: (LAUGHINGLY) Who in the world is he?
FRANK: Don't tell me you haven't heard of the Swami Yogoda?
EVE: I certainly have not! Who is he?
FRANK: Oh, some Hindu fakir who's quite the rage here in town for the last
season - solves problems, looks into the future, and all that sort of
nonsense. Terrific fraud but quite amusing. Oh, oh, there's grandmother waving
at me! I better run along and see what she wants!
EVE: All right,dear. I'll wait out here on the veranda.
FRANK: That's fine. Don't get a chill. (FADES) I'll be right back.
EVE: (SIGHS) Oh, what a glorious night: I wonder if --
MR. BARNES: I beg your pardon, mem sahib.
EVE: Oh! Oh, you startled me!
MR. BARNES: A thousand pardons, mem sahib! I did not see you standing here
alone on the balcony. If you will excuse --
EVE: No, wait. You're the fortune-teller - I mean the swami, aren't you?
MR. BARNES: Yes, mem sahib. I am the swami Yogoda.
EVE: Oh, I knew you were! Your turban is so white even here in the darkness.
I'm Eve Jackson - won't you tell me my fortune?
MR. BARNES: (STARTLED) Your - your name! Would you say it again, please?
EVE: Eve Jackson - do you know me?
MR. BARNES: (NERVOUSLY) No, no, I do not know you! (FADING SLIGHTLY) If mem
sahib will pardon me --
EVE: No, wait! You can't run away like that. (SHARPLY) You're here to
entertain the guests, aren't you?
MR. BARNES: (IN FULL) Yes, mem sahib, but ---
EVE: Then entertain me. I want you to tell my fortune!
MR. BARNES: But - but it is too dark to read the crystal.
EVE: Oh, no, it isn't. There - the moon's coming out from behind the clouds -
in a moment it'll be almost as bright as daylight ... there, you see? It's
like a spotlight shining down on us! Now will you - (GASPS) Oh!
MR. BARNES: (SLOWLY) The moonlight is bright ...
EVE: (EXCITEDLY) No! You can't be! You can't!
MR. BARNES: I do not understand what you are talking about.
EVE: I - I'm sorry. I - for a moment, I thought - you see, you look just like
MR. BARNES: I - I am the Swami Yogoda. If I may go --
EVE: No, wait. There's such a marked resemblance - it's almost unbelievable!
Of course your skin is darker but the same eyes, the forehead, the nose why,
you even - (SHOCKED) - oh, no!
MR. BARNES: What is it, mem sahib?
EVE: That scar! That scar on your chin! Father, it is you! I know it is!
MR. BARNES: But, mem sahib! I assure you I am the Swami Yogoda!
EVE: That scar on your chin - the one you got in the war! Oh, it must
be you! Oh, father, stop masquerading and talk to me!
MR. BARNES: (FROM NOW ON HE IS PLAYED PERFECTLY STRAIGHT) No, wait. I - I'm
not masquerading, Eve.
EVE: (DOUBTFULLY) You're not? I, well - I don't understand?
MR. BARNES: I - I really am the Swami Yogoda.
EVE: Father! What are you saying?
MR. BARNES: All those years I've kept out of your way. I didn't know those
people were your friends or I never would have come here.
EVE: Oh, father, please - please stop teasing me!
MR. BARNES: I wish to heaven I were.
EVE: But - but you must be fooling! You're a business man - Why, back
home you've got an office!
MR. BARNES: Yes, an office - an office that I've kept all these years just so
you wouldn't know about - about this.
EVE: (BEGINS TO CRY) Oh, no! (CRIES)
MR. BARNES: Please, please, my child. You've got to listen to me!
EVE: (CRYING) Don't touch me! Oh, how could you do this to me?
MR. BARNES: Because I love you, my dear.
EVE: You call that love? All those years being so proud of you, and all this
time you've been nothing but a horrible fraud. Oh, father, father, how could
you? A fraud!
MR. BARNES: Fraud .... That sounds a little harsh, my child.
EVE: That's what you've been - a fraud - a cheat - fooling people into
believing that you were a Hindu mystic, that you could look into the future.
MR. BARNES: But I've done some good, daughter! If you only know of the
people I've saved with my advice!
EVE: What a miserable defense! You aren't an oriental mystic! You're just
plain Herbert Jackson, my father, the man I used to be so proud of, and now I
MR. BARNES: I guess I can't blame you much for that, but I did it because of
EVE: (SCORNFULLY) Because of me? Oh, how can you say that! How can I
face Frank and all his family? They're an old family, an honorable family -
what'll they say when I tell them that my father is a faker, a swindler, a man
in a white turban who tells fortunes for money!
MR. BARNES: (SLOWLY) Yes, I - I guess your friends - people like these won't
EVE: You've ruined me, and I hate you, and I never want to see you again as
long as I live - you hear me? As long as I live!
MR. BARNES: All right. I - I guess I can't blame you for that either. I guess
you've got a right to say the things you're saying.
EVE: (TEARFULLY) Don't talk to me! Please go!
MR. BARNES: No, wait. If I'm not going to see you again, you've got to listen
to me just once more. I guess I'm everything you said I was - a swindler, a
faker, and all the rest. Yet it isn't easy for a father to hear those words
from his own daughter's lips.
EVE: Oh, go away!
MR. BARNES: No, first I want you to know why I did it. It all started when
your mother died. I never told you how she died, did I?
EVE: Oh, please!
MR. BARNES: You've got to listen. Your mother was very beautiful ... just like
you are tonight out here in the moonlight ... and I loved her more than I've
loved anyone but you. She died right after you were born, and she died because
I didn't have enough money to give her the doctors, the care she needed.
EVE: But you told me --
MR. BARNES: Yes, yes! I told you many pretty stories! I made it all nice and
clean and smooth for your ears, but that's really why she died - because I was
a failure; because I couldn't make the few miserable dollars that would have
kept her alive!
EVE: Oh, no!
MR. BARNES: When they took her away from me, when I couldn't even pay for a
little bit of ground in which to bury her, when I stood there with you in my
arms, and my eyes so filled with tears I couldn't even see her for the last
time before they took her away, I swore to myself then that you would never
know the misery she knew because of me. I told myself you would always have
the finest and the best of everything for the rest of your life. (BITTERLY)
Yeah, that's what I said, and for nineteen years, you had it - the best
clothes, the best schools, the best friends, and I got them for you the only
way I knew how!
EVE: Oh, father!
MR. BARNES: Don't look at me like that! Please! I've been a fraud, but I tell
you it was the only way I knew how to make money. I'm not smart - I couldn't
earn money like other men do - stocks, and bonds, and big business. There was
only one way for me to do it, this way, so I went ahead and prayed to
Heaven you'd never find out!
EVE: But - but you must have known that sooner or later I would find
MR. BARNES: Yes, I did know that, but I hoped that when that day did
come, maybe you'd understand, and even if you didn't, I always said to myself
that the day you saw me as I really was, I'd walk right out of your life and
you'd never see me or be bothered with me again. I never thought you'd
recognize me, but now that you have - oh, listen to me, Eve - you can't let
this make any difference. You've got a whole life in front of you. - those
nice people out there - that young fellow - you're not going to lose them now
because of me - you can't lose them.
EVE: But, I --
MR. BARNES: No, no, let me finish. It's not too late - nobody knows about this
but you and me - nobody need ever know. I'll walk out - I'll disappear - you
can get married and be happy ... and if you're happy, I'll be happy too.
EVE: (BURSTS OUT CRYING)
MR. BARNES: No, no, my child. Don't cry, please. I'm not worth it, I tell you!
I'm not worth it! You've got to hold steady - you've got to listen to me! In a
couple of minutes someone'll be here looking for you, and you've got to look
pretty. I'm going away now, Eve - I'm going away for good. You'll never be
bothered with me again. Maybe some day when you've got children of your own
you'll lose some of the contempt you've got in your heart for me now, and when
that day comes, maybe somehow I'll know and I'll be happy. (BROKENLY) So
goodbye, my dear! Be happy, my daughter.
EVE: No, no, wait!
MR. BARNES: Eve! Let go of my arm! He's coming! Your fiance's coming out here!
He mustn't find us together! Eve, let me go!
EVE: (UP) Frank, come here! Come here, quickly!
FRANK: (IN FAST) Yes, Eve! What is it? What's happened?
MR. BARNES: No, no mem sahib - please, I have told you your fortune now please
let me go - it is best I go - -
EVE: No - stay! Frank!
EVE: Frank - I'd like you to meet .... I want you to meet ...
(PROUDLY) my father!
POWELL: Thank you, Edward Arnold -- once more you've shown us what a truly
fine actor you are -- And thanks, too, Rosella - you were grand -- Now that
our drama department is safely tucked away for the moment -- comes time again
to consider a spot of music [...]
[26 January 1937]
POWELL: That's done it, Al ... Now, turning the leaves of Mr. Lucky Strike's
guest book for the evening, we find the names of Miss Mary Astor and Mr.
Richard Arlen -- two very solid favorites with Mr. and Mrs. America.
[COMEDIAN BOB] HOPE: Wait a minute, Dick --
POWELL: What is it, Bob?
HOPE: Why bother with Arlen? He's good in his way, but why go for outside
talent when you have one of the truly great romantic figures of the screen
right here on the program?
POWELL: I was afraid of that. Maybe Dick Arlen will have something to say
about it. Come here a minute, will you Dick?
ARLEN: What's the matter? Is that certain something getting in your hair
POWELL: To a certain extent, yeah ... Bob here insists on trying to make love
to all the beautiful leading ladies.
ARLEN: Yeah ... he and Charlie McCarthy.
HOPE: Listen ... anyone who wants to do that is no dummy!
POWELL: Well Dick, as far as I'm concerned, you're still playing
opposite Mary. What's the play?
ARLEN: It's a little air-drama called "Papa Jonathan" by Arch Oboler. Mary
plays the role of June Wilson, a newspaper reporter. My part is that of
Jonathan Parks, an ex-professional football player.
POWELL: Okay Dick -- Now Bob, if you really want to get in on this, we'll just
let you raise the curtain for Mary Astor and Richard Arlen.
HOPE: (DISGUSTED) Thanks ... All right, Al. Music.
ORCHESTRA: MUSICAL CURTAIN.
(INSERT DRAMA - WITH POWELL SETTING THE SCENE)
ANNOUNCER [POWELL]: The scene - late afternoon on a quiet city street. In an
expensive, swiftly moving automobile sit Jonathan Parks and his fiancee June
SOUND: (BRING IN AUTO EFFECT)
Mr. Parks, formerly a professional football star, is now the somewhat uneasy
possessor of an inheritance of a million dollars, while pretty Miss Wilson is
the girl who came into his life, weeks before, as the result of writing
newspaper stories about Parks' playboy adventures. June skillfully pilots the
car over to the curb and emphatically steps on the brakes -
SOUND: (AUTO COMING TO QUICK STOP)
JUNE: (BRIGHTLY) There! That does it! Far as we go!
JON: (SLOWLY, WEARILY) Look, June - I don't want you to think I'm one of those
fellows who always wants to know what the score is, but would you mind telling
me why you stopped here?
JUNE: (LAUGHINGLY) Not at all! Johnny, believe it or not, I'm going to
get a baby!
JON: (BLANKLY) You - you wha-a-t!
JUNE: I said I'm going to get a baby!
JUNE: Yes, you know - one of those things the stork brings!
JON: (WILDLY) S-stork? B-baby? J-June, how in the - what in the --
JUNE: (INTERRUPTING LAUGHINGLY) Wait a minute, half-back - I'm going to
adopt a baby!
JON: (PAUSE, THEN DAZEDLY) But - but can't you wait? We're getting
married next week!
JUNE: (LAUGHINGLY) Come on - let me out of this car and I'll tell you all
JON: (HASTILY) Okay! Okay! (HOPEFULLY) Maybe you've got a fever, huh?
JUNE: I feel perfectly well, and it's a perfect day to adopt a
baby! (MISCHIEVOUSLY) Don't you think so?
JON; (TENSELY) Look, June - I'm a simple sort of a guy, but there's such a
thing as carrying a joke too far! (UP, LOUDLY, ANGRILY) Why are you
adopting a baby?
JUNE: It's all very simple - my managing editor got a tip that this house here
is a baby-farm - you know, a fake orphanage conducted entirely for profit!
JON: (STILL MISERABLY) And what's that got to do with you?
JUNE: I'm on an assignment! I'll go in, hand my money across the counter, and
if those racketeers hand me a baby without bothering to investigate whether
I'm cracked or crooked - well, my newspaper'll have a story that'll rock this
town like a - a baby buggy!
JON: (SPLUTTERINGLY) But - but - but - but - June -
JUNE: (LAUGHING) Oh, you sound like a motor-boat! There's the door - start
JON: I give up! I give up!
SOUND: (KNOCKING ON DOOR)
JON: (AS HE KNOCKS) Adopting babies! And we haven't even got the marriage
JUNE: (LAUGHINGLY) Knock harder and don't talk so much!
JON: Listen, if I play knock-knock any harder, I'll bring the whole house
JUNE: But there must be someone home! If they've got babies in there,
they just can't walk off and leave them alone!
JON: (DISGUSTEDLY) Me - I got a million bucks - and what am I doin'? Knocking
on doors for babies!
JUNE: Wish we could see inside - shades all drawn - (SIGHS) Well, I guess
that's that! We'll just pack up our little crusade and go back and tell the
managing editor he gave us the wrong number.
JON: (INTERRUPTING) Wait!
JUNE: Wait for what?
JON: Didn't you hear it?
JUNE: Hear what? I didn't hear anything!
JON: Listen! It sounds like a baby crying!
JUNE: (EXCITEDLY) Baby? Where? I don't hear anything!
JON: Press your ear against the door! Listen!
BABY: (CRIES VERY FAINTLY)
JUNE: Yes: I hear it! It is a baby crying! Oh, Jon, there's something
terribly wrong in there! Get that door open!
SOUND: (OF HIM BREAKING DOOR OPEN)
WITH OPENING OF DOOR WAIL OF MANY BABIES BEGINS. THE PICTURE TO BE PAINTED IS
THAT OF AT LEAST EIGHT OR NINE BABIES BEGINNING TO CRY AT ONCE IN VARIOUS
PITCHES & QUALITIES - ALL THIS CONTINUING BEHIND:
JUNE: Jon! Look! Babies!
JON: G-gosh! All the babies in the world!
JUNE: Pull up the shades! Turn on some lights. Oh, the poor darlings! Lights,
JON: (FADE) Right!
JUNE: Oh, you poor little things! Leaving you all alone! How could they do it?
JON: (FADE IN) There! Now we can see 'em. (AGHAST) Gosh! How many of 'em are
JUNE: (COUNTING) Eight - nine - ten - eleven - twelve! Oh, Jon, twelve of
JON: And all of 'em yelling at once!
JUNE: Why shouldn't they yell, you big lug?
JON: Gosh! Are they hungry?
JUNE: No, no, of course not. They've just been fed! Can't you see - there's a
bottle in every crib! Well, don't stand there gaping like a fish out of water!
Go find them!
JON: F-find what? Find what?
JUNE: Don't you know anything? Three-cornered pants!
SOUND: OF ONE BABY WHIMPERING CONTINUING BEHIND:
JUNE: (TRIUMPHANTLY) There! We've got them all asleep except this one.
JON: Have I learned the facts of life!
JUNE: (LAUGHS) Now, Mr. Parks!
THE BABY BEGINS TO CRY
JUNE: (SOOTHINGLY) There, there, now!
JON: What's the matter with her or him or whatever he is?
JUNE: Nothing at all. This little fella just isn't sleepy, that's all. Come on
- we'd better go into the other room before he wakes up the rest of 'em.
JON: Yeah ....
JUNE: Here - you carry him. Maybe that's what he wants?
JON: (AS SHE DEPOSITS BABY IN HIS ARMS) Oh, no! No, wait! I don't know
anything about babies! I mean -
BABY BEGINS TO GURGLE CONTENTEDLY
JUNE: (LAUGHS) My you look cute, full-back!
JON: Doesn't - doesn't weigh much, does it?
BABY BEGINS SQUAWKS
JUNE: Jon, don't hold him like a football!
JON: Excuse me, kid. Didn't want to hurt you.
JUNE: There! That's better!
JON: Gosh, June - who'd want to walk out on a kid like this?
JUNE: If you're talking about the people who were running this racket, I think
the explanation's simple enough.
JON: What do you mean?
JUNE: They must have got a tip that my newspaper was getting the police to
raid this place, and when they heard us coming, they thought we were cops and
headed for the nearest exit!
JUNE: Isn't he a little darling, Jon?
JON: (IT IS APPARENT THAT HE IS DOING SOME TALL THINKING) Huh? Oh. Yeah ....
JUNE: Jonathan Parks, you've got a baby on your hands and something on your
mind! Now what is it?
JON: Well ... the way things are, as soon as you report all this, the city'll
take over the place and - and all the kids, won't they?
JUNE: Yes, I suppose so.
JON: Well, I was thinking ...
JUNE: Yes, Jon?
JON: I got more money than I know what to do with ....
JUNE: And what's that got to do with this?
JON: I wonder if I ought to get a sign painted ....
JUNE: Sign? What are you talking about?
JON: You know - one of those signs - "This Place Under New Management."
JUNE: Jonathan Parks! What do you know about babies?
JON: I had my first lesson this afternoon. You fold the two ends over and you
put the safety pin through the -
JUNE: Come on, stop clowning! What do you want with a baby farm?
JON: It won't be a baby farm - I'm putting these kids out of circulation.
JUNE: Do you mean that you're going to get parents for all of them?
JON: Yep. Made up my mind just now.
JUNE: And do you mind telling me where in creation you're going to get the
people to adopt twelve children?
JON: Oh, that's easy - I've got them picked out already!
JUNE: You have?
JUNE: Who are they?
JON: You and me!
JON: You see, June - it's like this - while you were taking care of the kids
and putting them to bed - and finally when all of them except this fella were
lying there all washed and warmed and kind of gurgling - you know how they did
just before they went to sleep - I got to thinking, "Jon, why give 'em away?
You've got more money than's healthy for you, and you're kind of lonely
anyway, so why not have the fun of raising the babies yourself?"
JUNE: Oh, Jon!
JON: And, June - did you ever stop to think - with twelve children I could
coach my own football team!
JUNE: (LAUGHINGLY) Including the umpire!
JON: (GETTING MORE & MORE ENTHUSIASTIC) This one'll be the quarter-back! Look
at his hands! Can't you just see him holding a football --
JUNE: Wait a minute! He can't even hold a bottle!
JON: (GETTING MORE & MORE EXCITED AND TALKING LOUDER AND LOUDER AT HIS OWN
DREAM PICTURE) He's caught a pass! He's running down the field! Twisting -
side stepping -
JUNE: (FUTILELY TRYING TO INTERRUPT) Jon! The babies!
JON: (GOING RIGHT ON) Thirty - forty - fifty yards! Look at him go!
JUNE: Jon! Your voice! The babies!
JON: One more tackler - a stiff-arm! He's free! He's free! It's a
BABY BEGINS TO CRY, FAR BACK
JUNE: (LAUGHINGLY) Just a minute, coach!
ANOTHER BABY BEGINS TO CRY - ONE BY ONE THEY JOIN THE CHORUS
JUNE: (UP OVER BABY CRIES) The game's over - this time you put the team
BRING UP THE CHORUS OF CRYING BABIES FULL -- SEGUE INTO:
POWELL: Thank you - Thank you, Dick and Mary you were grand. Thanks for
helping us keep the Parade moving.
HOPE: Oh Dick ....
POWELL: Yes, Bob?
HOPE: Mind if I ask Miss Astor and Mr. Arlen something. Do you mind?
POWELL: Go right ahead, Robert.
HOPE: Well, look, kids. Ever since I've been on this show somebody on the
program has wanted to tell why they smoke Luckies. Eddie Robinson did -- and
Lanny Ross - Madeleine Carroll and only last week it was Edward Arnold.
POWELL: Bob, what are you driving at?
HOPE: Well -- look -- I love my boss and everything ... but isn't there
someone in Hollywood who doesn't smoke Luckies?
POWELL: (LAUGHS) Now, here, here, Bob--you're going to talk your way right off
HOPE: Ha ha ha. Oh, is the sponsor listening? Sorry. So long kids.
POWELL: Well Mary--what do you say--can you answer Bob's question?
ASTOR: (LAUGHS) You know Dick--sometimes I feel the same way he does, so many
of my friends smoke Luckies.
POWELL: Well, Dick Arlen--I know you belong to the Hollywood Branch of the
Lucky Club. How long have you been a member in good standing?
ARLEN: Dick, I think it's about six years. That's a long time to stick to one
brand .... when so many, many of us in pictures prefer the same cigarette for
a reason, it must be a very good reason.
POWELL: And the reason?
ARLEN: Simply this--when you're making your living by your voice--you don't
take chances with your throat and Luckies have never bothered my throat.
Besides, for me they're a swell tasting cigarette.
POWELL: Thank you - thank you, Dick Arlen - it does the old heart good to hear
you say that. You and Mary stick around, will you? We want to have some fun
[02 February 1937]
POWELL: Thank you Al. Thank you - well done! And now, ladies and gentlemen, I
would like to present a Hollywood star who is among the very greatest. Winner
of the Academy Award for outstanding artistry, this player is one of whom
Hollywood is justly proud. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you ...
HOPE: Oh Dick, you shouldn't have said all that. And right in front of me,
POWELL: Bob -- please ....
HOPE: And that part about the Academy Award ... that's darned nice of you,
Dick, but it isn't exactly true, I haven't won the Award yet ...
POWELL; Now ladies and gentlemen - (and I hope you'll excuse the local static)
- it gives me great pleasure, very great pleasure, to bring you one of the
greatest troupers in Hollywood ... Bette Davis.
HOPE: Miss Davis ... as one great artist to another ... Hi'ya kid!
DAVIS: Hi yourself, Bob.
HOPE: You know Bette ... I feel that you and I have been drawn together by
some power known only to we great dramatic actors. I feel strangely ...
strangely ... Oh how do you say it here in America? ...
DAVIS: I know how it is, Bob - you seem strangely familiar to me too. Now will
you kindly crawl strangely back under your log while we get on with the show?
HOPE: Oh well, sticks and stones can break my bones, but..... Marlene loves
POWELL: (LAUGH) Well Bette, looks like you took care of the lad in good
fashion. Now what's to be in the dramatic department?
DAVIS: Well Dick, we're doing a dramatization for the air called "Happy Year"
by Arch Oboler. And I'd like to have everyone meet my leading man for tonight,
Jeffrey Lynn.... I think he's going places....
POWELL: Swell.... Come in, Jeffrey!
LYNN: Thanks, and good evening, everyone....
DAVIS: Jeffrey plays the role of Ed Blake, the sweetheart of the girl, Mary
... the part I'm playing ... I do hope you'll like us.
POWELL: Like you? We'll be crrrrazy about you! All right then, up with the
curtain for "Happy Year" ... starring Miss Bette Davis!
ORCHESTRA: MUSICAL CURTAIN .... FADE FOR:
MUSIC PAINTING PICTURE OF WEDDING - FADE FAR BACK BEHIND:
POWELL: The scene - a small mid-town church. At the altar a boy and a girl
standing heads bowed while the words of the wedding service are read to them;
in the shadows far to the rear of the church stands a heavy-set man intently
listening. Another man enters the church - recognizes the onlooker, and
MUSIC PAINTING PICTURE, - CONTINUE BACK BEHIND:
MAN: Craig! Well! I didn't know that you went in for day-time church-going!
CRAIG: (VOICE DOWN) Oh - uh - hello, Fred.
MAN: (CHUCKLING) Yes, sir, this would certainly surprise the boys back at the
city-hall - City Prosecutor Craig in church at high-noon!
CRAIG: Shh! That wedding!
MAN: (DROPS VOICE) Oh, there's weddings going on here a11 the time! What --
CRAIG: I know the couple!
MAN: Then why don't you go up there to the altar and --
CRAIG: Better that they don't know I'm here. (CHUCKLES) Yeah... funny how
things worked out... .
MUSIC COMES IN FOR TRANSITION
MAN: What do you mean?
CRAIG: A year ago today that boy there and that girl and I had a choice to
make.... (CHUCKLES) And I think each one of us made the right choice.... Yes
- a year ago today ... the girl came into my office... (FADE) frightened ...
MUSIC UP FOR QUICK TRANSITION THEN OUT BEHIND:
CRAIG: (HE IS A LARGE, DUTY-BOUND INDIVIDUAL) Sit down, miss.
MARY: (TRYING TO HIDE HER NERVOUSNESS WITH A BRUSQUE MANNER) I'd like to stand
if you don't mind.
CRAIG: As you please.... Uh -- Now then - I understand you wanted to see me
about the Blake case.
MARY: That's right.
MARY: I wanted to tell you that Ed Blake didn't take that money. I did.
CRAIG: (BEGINS TO CHUCKLE)
MARY: Why do you laugh?
CRAIG; Because you said just what I expected you to say!
MARY: I don't know what you mean.
CRAIG: I mean that just about every time a good looking young man is arrested
for embezzlement, sooner or later his sweetheart turns up and tries to take
the rap for him.
MARY: You don't know what you're talking about! I'm not Ed Blake's sweetheart.
CRAIG: (UNBELIEVINGLY) No?
MARY: I'm not anything to Ed Blake... .
CRAIG: Then why does the mess he's in concern you?
MARY: I work in the same office... At the very next desk.... for two
CRAIG: And you say you took the money?
MARY: (SHARPLY) Yes, I told you that before, didn't I?
CRAIG: Look here, miss - you expect me to believe that Ed Blake means nothing
to you and yet you're willing to admit to a felony which means a year in the
MARY: I tell you I did it! I did it! What more do you want?
CRAIG: I want the truth!
MARY: I told you the truth! I took the money - and I'm not going to let
him go to jail for something I did!
CRAIG: And what's your answer if I tell you that Blake made a complete
MARY: Confession? How could he confess? I took the money! Can't you get that
through your head - I took the money.
CRAIG: All right - take it easy!
SOUND: CLICK OF SWITCH
VOICE: (AS IF THRU DICTOGRAPH COMMUNICATING SYSTEM) Yes, Mr. Craig?
CRAIG: Have the Blake boy brought up here. That embezzlement case.
VOICE: (AS BEFORE) Yes, sir.
SOUND: CLICK OF SWITCH
MARY: (AS SOON AS SHE HEARS CRAIG'S ORDER) No, no don't do that! Don't bring
him in here!
CRAIG: Now, now, take it easy!
MARY: But I don't want to see him! Isn't it enough that I told you I took the
money! Isn't it enough that I told you I'm willing to go to jail for taking
CRAIG: No, it isn't enough! Blake confessed two days ago to the embezzlement
of those funds! Now you confess! Well, I'm going to get the facts, and
I'm going to get them right now!
MARY: No, no, wait! Wait - please ---
BUZZER: CLICK OF SWITCH
VOICE: (THRU DICTOGRAPH) Mr. Craig, I've got Blake out here, sir.
MARY: Please, Mr. Craig! Please listen to me just for a minute before you send
CRAIG: Keep him out there a minute, Johnson!
VOICE: Yes, sir.
CLICK OF SWITCH.
MARY: Mr. Craig, let me be alone with Ed just a few minutes!
MARY: You see, I know why he confessed! I mean he thought he was going to help
me - but if I was alone with him a little while, I know I could make him
understand that he isn't helping me - that the truth's got to come out!
CRAIG: Well --
MARY: Please! You've got to do it! Just for a few minutes! Please!
CRAIG: Very well. (FADE) Make it fast ....
OPEN DOOR, BACK.
CRAIG: (OFF MIKE) Blake! Come in here!
ED: (FADE IN) Yes, sir.
CRAIG: (OFF) Someone here wants to talk to you. I'll (FADE) leave you alone...
DOOR CLOSING, BACK.
ED: (FADING IN FULL) - (UNBELIEVINGLY) Mary!
MARY: (TENSELY) Ed..!
ED: (ALMOST TEARFULLY) Mary!
MARY: (UNBELIEVINGLY) Ed! You're - you're holding me in your arms!
ED: I've wanted to for such a long time!
MARY: (IN SURRENDER) I knew it, Ed! I knew it!
ED: (LAUGHS WITHOUT MIRTH) Funny, isn't it? For two years I've wanted to do
MARY: (IN CLOSE) Why didn't you?....
MARY: You? Afraid?
ED: Afraid of marriage - kids - all the rest of it!
MARY: But Ed! Why?
ED: You ask me why? For twenty years you've lived right in the
middle of it - you and that family of yours - cheap walk-up flats so dirty and
dark that the sun's ashamed to look in! Then, working in that office with you
day after day, wanting to tell you so many things, and all the time knowing I
couldn't, not unless I could give you the things a girl like you has got a
right to expect.
MARY: Is that why you - you took -
ED: Three hundred bucks - three hundred bucks that were to start me up that
ladder to fame and fortune those "be successful" guys are always talking
MARY: Ed! If you'd only have talked to me before you did it!
ED: I took it - and then I knew it wasn't the way to give you things!
MARY: Then why didn't you --
ED: I wanted to! I tried to put it back! But the auditors had come in already
- it was too late!
MARY: Oh, my darling...
ED: I'm not a crook, Mary --
MARY: Don't even say it!
ED: It was just that working all day - trying to live on hot-dogs and soda-pop
to have enough money to pay my way in that school that was goin' to make a
lawyer out of me! And then you so sweet and clean there near me hour after
hour - I tell you I couldn't stand it any more, Mary!
MARY: I wouldn't have cared being without money, Ed! I'm so used to it!
ED: Used to it! I wanted to give you more than you were used to! So I -
(BREAKS DOWN WEEPILY) Oh, Mary!
MARY: (MOTHERINGLY) No, no, Ed - don't! You're going to be a great lawyer
ED: (BITTERLY) Yeah .... with a prison record!
MARY: No, Ed ... You won't have that ....
ED: What're you talkin' about? Haven't you heard - all the big shots of the
store were down talking to the prosecutor! Me - they're going to make an
example out of me!
MARY: (FLATLY) You're not going to jail, Ed.
ED: Why do you keep sayin' that? Why?
MARY: I'm going to jail.
ED: (BLANKLY) You - you wha-at?
MARY: That's why I came here to talk to Mr. Craig.
ED: (TENSELY) What are you talking about?
MARY: If you'll listen to me without blowing up, I'll tell you.
ED: I'm listening.
MARY: I thought this whole thing out more carefully than I thought about
anything all my life! For the last two days, all I've been doing is thinking
things out. Don't you see, Ed - it isn't right for you to go to jail.
ED: But I took the money!
MARY: Yes, and somebody's got to pay for that. But not you, Ed .... me ....
ED: (UNBELIEVINGLY) Are - are you crazy? Why should you -
MARY: (INTERRUPTING) No, no, please! You've got to listen! For three years
it's been the way you said - you worked all day - you ate the wrong food -
just so you'd have a little money so you could go to school and try to make
something of yourself! Working all day and then going dog-tired to those
lessons and than staying up half the night studying! Oh, I used to see it --
in the morning when you'd come to work - your face - old as my father's - so
ED: It doesn't make sense! What's my studying got to do with the crazy things
you're saying about going to jail for me?
MARY: It's got everything to do with it! You've got fire in you, Ed
darling - six more months and you'll be through with school, and you can take
a job in a law office, and pass your bar examinations, and be somebody!
Just six more months, Ed and I'm going to see to it that you get your chance!
ED: A chance? Yes - I see -- (SNAPS OUT OF IT) Aw, what's the use talking -
I'm going to jail!
MARY: But you can't go to jail! Your record's got to be clean!
ED: No, no - I won't listen! I love you! I can't let you --
MARY: You listen to me! Mr. Craig'll be coming back any minute - you've got to
listen - to every word I say.
ED: Mother in Heaven, Mary! What kind of a man do you think I am?
MARY: That's just it - if you'll be a man and not a boy playing a hero part,
we'll both have a chance to be happy! Don't you understand, Ed -- if you go to
jail and kill your chance of ever being somebody, you're killing me, too!
You're killing my only chance of ever being happy!
ED: What kind of a heel do you think I am?
MARY: I'm telling you again, Ed - stop being a hero! You made a mistake taking
that money, but you can't let that mistake kill both our lives! And it
wasn't your mistake alone, Ed - it was mine, too!
ED: But how --
MARY: Caring for you, and not telling you! It might have made things a little
ED: I tell you, there's no use talking! I can't let you go to jail for me!
MARY: You've got to, Ed! There's no other choice! You've got to!
When it's all over, I'll come back and we'll be happy, Ed!
ED: No, no! I can't let you do it for me!
MARY: For you? Don't you understand yet -- when a woman loves a man, her
life's so very much his that what happens to him happens to her! If you go to
jail, you won't go alone anyway! I'll be going with you - my life and my hope!
ED: Mary, I -- I don't know what to say! It makes sense, and - and yet the
idea of you -- Oh, Mary, how can I --
MARY: I know what you're thinking - all the names the world would call a man
who'd let the girl he loves go to jail for him! But it isn't like that with
us, Ed - I'd be trading just one little year out of my life for a whole life-
time of happiness afterwards!
ED: And I would make you happy! Always! I - oh, no, no! I can't - I
can't let you ruin your life!
MARY: But there's nothing to ruin! All my life I've been just nothing - I've
been in a jail, anyway, Ed! The jail of my family, and the four walls of that
flat, and the subway and my job! Nothing to look forward to but going on dates
with boys that made me sick just to talk to them! You, Ed - you're my only
chance at life. You've got to give me that chance - you've got to! Tell
me you'll do it, Ed! For me! For me!
DOOR OPENING, BACK AT "TELL ME YOU'LL" IN ABOVE SPEECH
CRAIG: (IN FAST) I'm sorry, but that's all the time I can give you!
MARY: (HOLDING BACK TEARS) It - it was good of you to leave us alone
this long, Mr. Craig.
CRAIG: I did it because - well, frankly, there's been a great deal of pressure
put to bear on this case, and I want a confession that'll stand up in court!
So now let's have it! Which one of you did take that money?
MARY: I did, Mr. Craig! It's the way I told you - I did!
CRAIG: Well, young man - what have you to say to that?
MARY: (SOTTO) (INTENSELY) Ed! My life!
CRAIG: Stop talking to him! You, Blake - answer me! Was your confession
ED: (TENSELY) Yes!
MARY: (IN RELIEF) Ed dearest ....
CRAIG: All right ... if that's the way you both want it .... Your confession,
young woman - (FADE) I'll get the stenographer.
ED: Oh, my darling! I hope we're right!
MARY: I know we're right! You've given us new life - you'll work hard while
I'm gone, Ed - making a clean honest start for both of us. Do that, darling -
and it'll be such a happy year!
POWELL: Thank you Bette Davis -- a grand performance from a grand person - and
thanks Jeffrey -- You really got in there and pitched -- ...
[09 February 1937]
POWELL: Now ladies and gentlemen -- a leaf out of our guest book for the
evening.. I want you to meet a man who has risked much to be with us this eve
-- a man who braved snow-drifts, blinding storms, blizzards, hail---
HOPE: Oh, it was nothing Dick.. Would that I but had two lives to give to my
POWELL: It so happens, Robert, that I wasn't talking about you.
HOPE: Oh well, it's not for me to quibble with the employees - who were you
giving that build-up to?
POWELL: A great actor and a great guy, if you'll pardon the informality ...
He's one of America's leading interpreters of Shakespeare, the "Dodsworth" of
stage and screen, my friend, Walter Huston!
HUSTON: Hello Dick.. Hello, Bob.. Say what's all this "snow and sleet"
business you were talking about?
POWELL: Well, Walter, that was just my own quaint way of telling the people
that you're about the champion commuter of Hollywood, living as you do up in
the mountains near Lake Arrowhead.
HOPE: Say, that's ducky.. Just him and the snow and Shakespeare.
HUSTON: To quote the immortal Bard of Avon -- do you want to make something
out of it?
HOPE: Oh well, Walter, if you want to be vulgar.. All I can say is, I hope
your sled breaks down someday.. You Shakespearean hillbilly....
POWELL: Also in the words of the immortal Willie - avast thou screwball, else
thee wind up behind ye 8-ball!
HUSTON: Scram, knave.
POWELL: (LAUGHS) How was that, Walter? Well Walter, suppose you tell everyone
what's to be in your department tonight.
HUSTON: I'm going to do a radio dramatization called "Bright World" by Arch
Oboler. [The title is written in over "The Signal" which is crossed out.] And
I've got a grand little actor working with me --- a star from your own Warner
Brothers studio young Bobby Mauch ... or is it Billy?
POWELL: I don't blame you a bit Walter. I can't tell them apart myself
sometimes. I think tho' tonight it's Bobby -- All right then, take a second or
two to get set while Al gives us a musical curtain for -- Walter Huston in
"Bright World"! ... [Again, the title is written in over "The Signal" which is
ORCHESTRA: MUSICAL CURTAIN ... FADE FOR:
POWELL: The scene, the annual orphan's picnic and field day given by the
business men of Middletown for the Middletown orphanage. The place, the public
(BEGIN TO FADE IN CRIES OF CHILDREN AT PLAY - HOLD FAR BACK BEHIND:
POWELL: The warm air sings with the happy voices of children on a long awaited
holiday .... But all the children are not at play. One small boy sits huddled
on the grass far apart from the others - another small boy approaches him and
hesitantly speaks to him....
JOE: (FADE IN FAST) - (PROJECTING - HE IS A LITTLE UNCERTAIN IN HIS SPEECHES
AS HE DOES NOT KNOW HOW THE OTHER BOY WILL RECEIVE HIS INVITATION) Oh, Ted!
TED: (GLUMLY) What do ya want?
JOE: Well, I thought - the fellas thought - maybe you'd like to come over and
be with us. We're havin' lotsa fun!
TED: I don't wanna....
JOE: Aw, but, Ted, everybody's havin' so much fun - the games we're playin' -
even you could play 'em! I - I mean --
TED: Lemme alone!
JOE: Aw, gosh, Ted, everybody says that if you'd only start laughing again,
you'd feel better, and --
TED: Leave me alone I said! I don't wanna laugh! I don't want nuthin'!
JOE: But, Ted --
TED: Aw, leave me alone! Go on! Beat it!
JOE: (DEFEATEDLY) Okay, Ted .... (FADE) If that's what you want....
(FOR A SECOND OR SO ALL THAT IS HEARD IS THE CRIES OF THE CHILDREN FAR BACK,
STRANGER: Why don't you want to laugh, boy?
TED: (STARTLED) Huh?
STRANGER: I said - why don't you want to laugh?
TED: What's it to you?
STRANGER: I couldn't help overhearing the other boy, and it seemed so strange
that a boy shouldn't want to laugh.
TED: Lemme alone ....
STRANGER: (GENTLY) But why not talk to me? It's good to talk sometimes with
someone strange to you. (PERSUASIVELY) Tell me, boy - why don't you want to
TED: (TEARS IN VOICE) There's nuthin' to laugh about ... anymore ...
STRANGER: Why not? The sun still laughs - the water laughs - there's jokes and
games and fun - the world is full of laughter if you'll listen!
TED: (IN A TIGHT, TENSE VOICE) Not for me it isn't...
STRANGER: No? But why?
TED: (FLINGING OUT INTENSELY) Why? Why? 'Cause I'm blind, see - blind -
STRANGER: (AFTER A TENSE PAUSE) I know that....
TED: (TEARS IN VOICE) Then what did you have to ... bother me for?
STRANGER: Tell me, boy - when did it happen?
TED: (IN A TIGHT VOICE) Fourth of July....
STRANGER: Independence Day, eh? ... (SIGHS) Ah, it's a strange divinity that
shapes our ends...
TED: What did you say?
STRANGER: It doesn't matter. What does matter to me is what you've done with
all those days since you closed your eyes.
TED: I sit and wait....
STRANGER: You wait? For what?
TED: For nothing.....
STRANGER: Ahh.... Mind if I talk to you a little longer?
TED: Talkin'! What good is talkin'!
STRANGER: I know! I know! Ever since it happened, the good folks at that
orphanage have tried to cheer you up with words. But words are empty, aren't
they, when you sit in darkness...
STRANGER: Yet, if you'll listen, perhaps I can tell you words you never heard
- words that will make you want to laugh again.
TED: I tell you I'll never laugh again!
STRANGER: And you think you'll never see again?
TED: Never! They told me never!
STRANGER And yet you will - you'll see more clearly than you ever saw before!
TED: (DAZEDLY) I'll ... see?
STRANGER: Yes, but not with eyes..... With heart!
TED: I - I don't know what you mean.
STRANGER: When boys - and men - see with their eyes, they see just as far as
their eyes can see - a little world of kites and sleds and making money. But
you - you'll see it all with heart and mind - and what you see with heart and
mind is far more real and far more wonderful!
TED: But how - how can I see? It's all so terrible dark!
STRANGER: Yes yes - and now - think of a ship - a great black pirate ship! The
sails are white against a sky of blue! Now think of it, son! Think of it hard!
TED: Yes! Yes, I'll try!
STRANGER: The ship is bounding high against green waves that throw it up here
and there! A great black ship with sails of white - you see it, son?
TED: (CARRIED AWAY) Yes! Yes! I see it! I see it!
STRANGER: That ship that's there inside your mind is a ship I never saw
in life. I read about it in a book when I was just as old as you are now! And
yet I see it - and you see it - just from words! (BUILDING) Yes, far better than
if we saw with wide open eyes! Understand?
TED: I - I think I do! (WITH MORE ASSURANCE) Yes, I - I do!
STRANGER: That's fine boy, fine. You'll have a wonderful world of books - and
yet not books but living things! You'll see them in your mind - they'll
live, they'll breathe, they'll be!...(IN WONDER) No, wait, boy! Why do
you turn your face away?
TED: (TEARS IN VOICE) But - but I'll never be able to do anything....
STRANGER: Oh, yes, you will! You'll find new things to do!
TED: But - but I can hardly walk! (TEARS IN VOICE) I - I run into things! I
fall! It's so dark, mister!
STRANGER: But now you know that darkness really isn't there! Isn't
it just a great white canvas on which to paint the pictures that the words of
books and friends will bring you! And if there is no dark, why be afraid,
TED: I - I'm not afraid! (WITH GROWING ASSURANCE) No, I'm not afraid!
STRANGER: And being unafraid, you'll try to do things, won't you, boy?
TED: Yes! Yes, I will!
STRANGER: I know you will - you'll never be afraid, son - you'll live
with goodness and with courage, and you'll make the world a better world
because of your life in it.
TED: (HOPEFULLY) Will I, mister?
STRANGER: So now you see why you can laugh, boy! You thought you'd nothing
left, and yet you've got the world of air and sun and rain to feel, the world
of all the great minds left to understand, the world of friends, a world of
love and share life with you!
TED: Gee! I've got lots left, haven't I?
STRANGER: Of course you have. So come on, boy! Laugh! (BEGINS TO LAUGH) Lift
your face and laugh! The joke's on you! You've got the world! Laugh, I tell
TED: (JOINS HIM IN LAUGHTER -HESITANTLY AT FIRST, THEN WITH INCREASING
INTENSITY AS THE BARRIERS BREAK DOWN)
STRANGER: (AS HE LAUGHS) It's good to laugh, isn't it?
TED: (LAUGHING) Yes! Yes! It's good to laugh!
STRANGER: Books and friends - and people -
(THE STRANGER'S LAUGHTER FADES OUT AFTER A FEW SECONDS, THE BOY'S LAUGHTER
JOE: (IN FAST - UNBELIEVINGLY) Ted! Ted! You're laughin'!
TED: (CONTINUES LAUGHING)
JOE: Gee, Ted! You'll be all right now!
TED: (LAUGHING) Yeah! I'm all right!
JOE: But why ya laughin'? Why?
TED: (LAUGHINGLY) Him! Ask him!
TED: Yeah! He showed me how to laugh again! He did it!
JOE: He? Ted, who ya talkin' about?
TED: This man here - the one that's standing next to me!
TED: (EMPHATICALLY) Yes! Here! Here! Right next to me!
JOE: (PUZZLEDLY) - (SLOWLY) But, gosh, Ted, there's nobody here... nobody but
that statue... of Abraham Lincoln!
POWELL: Thank you, thank you, Walter Huston -- you've added another great
Lincoln characterization to the many that have won you such a solid place in
America's affection.... Thanks, too, Bobby Mauch -- there's a lot of future in
store for you....